A weekend in Palm Beach, FL. My first author panel, moderated by R. L. Stine, an icon and a personal favorite. Seeing my book for sale for the first time. My book with a library bar code! And the kids. They were INCREDIBLE. I can't even explain what it felt like hearing a mob of young readers say they want to read my book. Nothing was so painful as choosing one for my giveaway (I did eenie-meenie-miney-mo). And I got to do my first signing. And have dinner with this fabulous group of writers and Mr. Stine and his lovely wife and editor, Jane Stine. The weather was fabulous, and the other authors were wonderful. (Writers are seriously the best people, ever.) Amy Christine Parker  (author and chair of the new International Thriller Writers Young Reader division) was a fountain of information and made the whole thing easy as can be. J.D. Fennell, Karen McManus, Megan Miranda, and Shelia Sobel were super fun to hang with, and I can't wait to see how things go with all their careers. The Palm Beach Library System set up the event with such professionalism, and helped to ensure we had a large crowd. We visited two high schools the day after the main event, Glades High School and Atlantic Community High School, where we met Elizabeth Zrodowski and Rebecca Radic, librarian and medial specialists, extraordinaires. 

The event was also sobering. As most people know, February 14th, 2018 saw a shooting at the Marjorie Douglas Stoneman HS in Parkland, FL. The schools in the area were under high alert in the week after, which included our visit, mere days following the horrifying event. Security measures were in effect, but tensions were high. I wont lie; it was emotional and scary. Imagining what kids in America must experience on a daily basis when they walk into their classrooms was immensely moving. Being afraid of going to school. Fear of being in a place where something terrible might happen. Our schools have threats on a regular basis. Social media makes it so easy for masked threats, many of which are pranks, but how does anyone know? Not having children myself, this was a huge eye-opener. Don't get me wrong, I appreciated what all this meant, just nowhere near enough.

Our educators are heroes. Period. Our children are courageous. I don't know how parents get through. In life, we are occasionally exposed to things that change our worldview. This was one of them for me.

I want to end by thanking everyone involved. I also want to thank the International Thriller Writers and the Debut Program, organized by Shaun Harris (author and fellow member of Team Triada), for creating an opportunity for debut authors like me (in other words, clueless authors like me) to learn this valuable aspect of the business in a safe, supportive way.

I came to writing at a time when I was tired, worn out, burned out. I’d just finished my degree in psychology, which involved many years of classwork, exams, and applying for multiple training positions—many of which required competing against other students for scarce spots. For a decade, I did little for me other than my absolute necessities. I missed sleep, I missed parties, I missed trips. I stayed home when everyone else went and had a good time.

I told myself it was worth it.

And ten, a decade later, I was done, and instead of feeling energized, I was tired. And so I wrote. I wrote not knowing if I’d finish my first book. I wrote not knowing how to write at all, not really, not the way that works for fiction, but I did it anyway. And before that first book was done, I was ready for more and ready to put myself out there. My first queries met with only rejection, which was appropriate—they were terrible—but at that time, I didn’t understand how to make them better. All I knew was that I wasn’t good enough, which was hard. I thought of giving up, but as the stress built—from work, from rejection, from everything else in life—I needed to get it out, and so I wrote.

​Three years in, I finally found my writer tribe, and they taught me SO much. And then life happened, reminding me that utter ruin is just around the corner. No matter how well you prepare and how hard you work, you can still end up with nothing. Then life took people I loved—including my cheerleader—and bestowed disease on people I can’t bear to lose. And the rejections kept coming, as if everything in my life was okay. As if could handle one more letdown. And I coped with the stress the only way I knew how; I wrote. Until the day I didn’t get a no. That day, four years into my journey, I got a yes. 

My first yes.

My mom still had cancer, and the future was still uncertain, but my story was going to be published in a real book, and it was the most incredible moment of my life. Even to this day. I will never forget what that email was like. I had leveled up. New things were now possible. Everything was possible. I’d done it. And I was more motivated than ever, and so I wrote.

I didn’t sleep for about two weeks after that, because every time I tried, that excitement came back. And it was a good thing, because for the first time in over a year, I was not-sleeping for a good reason. The stories filled my brain, and I woke up, tired but exhilarated, and I wrote them. 

That one yes helped ease the no’s that came right after, but then something amazing happened. Another yes. And then another one. And then, a maybe—from an agent. An agent! My first requests came in, and I was sure it was going to happen. It. I’d be a writer. For real. And so I wrote.

Then the big disappointment. The day the call came, but it wasn’t the real call. It was my lowest point of all. Everything that had happened in the months prior came down on me, and it was like all that potential I’d seen had been smoke and mirrors. I cried. Then I stopped. And the info from the call that wasn’t the call was running through my brain, and before the redness had left my eyes and the stuffiness had left my nose, I wrote. 

The possibilities and potential weren’t gone. More good things came. The competition, the call that was the call, then the offer. With these things came more excitement than I can capture in words, but they brought stress and uncertainty and self-comparison and not-measuring-up. At times, I realized that, though six years had passed since I typed the first words, I almost felt like I was in the same place. And so I wrote, because nothing eases the stress of being a writer like writing, like the story in my head.

In mere months, my book will be out, and I have no clue what that road will be like. It will definitely be exciting, and I’m sure I’ll have more sleepless nights—the good ones—but I’m sure I’ll have some of the bad, too. But I’ll be okay, because over the eight years since I started this “hobby,” I’ve learned so much, I’ve met incredible people, and I have a fabulous team behind me (including my mom, who’s doing well!). I can’t control what people will think of my book. All I can control is what I do next. The thing I’m most grateful for is that the writing never stopped being fun, exciting, and energizing. It’s still the thing that gets me through. I really hope people love my book, but if they don’t, there will be another book. I don’t know that, not yet, but I know it all the same. And, in the meantime, I’ll write. Because what else am I going to do?

NB: Last month, I wrote a post about my journey, and this is the same story, but not a story of dates and milestones. In some ways, this is the real story. To all the Wonderful Writers out there, if you’re looking for your cheerleader, let me be it. As long as you’re writing, you’re a writer. As long as you don’t quit, you can’t fail. And, never forget: You can do it! You can write!

When I entered BROKEN CHORDS into this competition, I had zero expectations. Let's just say I've entered a couple book contests in my day. But, my book took an honorable mention! What a fabulous surprise! As this is a horror novella, I'm extra proud as genre fiction can sometimes get lost in the mix, and I love this book so much. (I know I'm a little biased.) 

​And don't forget, if you're in the Palm Beach, FL area on February 18th, come see me, four other debut authors, and the legendary R. L. Stine at Palm Beach Peril where we'll be doing a panel presentation followed by a book signing (my FIRST book signing! Squee!) I hope to see you there. Find out more about this event HERE.