The power of affirmations

Over the last few weeks, I've been thinking about how crazy it is that prior to December, I hadn't had a single fiction piece published or even accepted for publication. Then the "Beware the Little White Rabbit" acceptance came, and I had my first story. I danced around so much in joy, my husband got anxious I'd sprain something (which, I've had the misfortune to do in the past, so his concern wasn't misplaced).

So what does this all have to do with today's post? I used to fear I'd never get a single thing published. Now, don't get me wrong, I've still got a long way to go. A long way. A long, long, windy, and probably pot-holed way to go before I can say I'm a successful author, but I no longer bemoan my chances of success. And that's a very good thing. Here's why.

What we tell ourselves matters.

It's an absolute truth: what we tell ourselves matters. This is a premise the entire field of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is founded upon. It's been proven time and time again. Recently, Dr. Sonia Kang from the University of Toronto, along with colleagues from universities in New York and California, published a study in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, which found that when participants write out self-affirmations about their best negotiation skills, their ability to negotiate a lower price increased significantly when compared to a group that wrote about their worst negotiating skill. In other words, writing about what we're good at gives us an advantage. They also demonstrated the opposite: focusing on what we're not good at reduces our efficacy.

The semantics are important too.

How we talk to ourselves is important as well. A study by Dr. Thomas Holtgraves entitled (brilliantly, if you ask me): "I Think I'm Doing Great, but I Feel Pretty Bad about It," found that when participants were asked to describe how they feel about themselves, their self-report was far more negative than when asked what they think about themselves. His results also suggested that this may have implications for self-esteem. 

Throw in a little grit, and you've got a winning combination.

I've written about the concept of grit in the past, which essentially refers to one's determination to continue trying at something over and over. Dr. Kennon Shelton and colleagues collaborated on a study that examined several different personality factors to determine which had the biggest impact on goals over time. Surprisingly, the only one that had a direct impact on goal attainment at time two was the participants' grit at time one. And they looked at a bunch of important constructs including: Gratitude, Curiosity, Savoring, and use of Strengths.  

So, that's easy enough,  right? I'll just keep working at my goal, focusing on getting better, no matter how many times I fail. No matter how many times I lose. Or look dumb. Or get hurt. 

It's not easy at all! In reality, it's hard to keep at a goal in the face of rejection or setbacks. 

So, where do affirmations come in?

Affirmations are potentially one tool we can use--telling ourselves we think we can--that can facilitate the maintenance of effort. In other words, affirmations are to grit like oil is to fire. 

This isn't to say we should tell ourselves that our road will be easy. The complete opposite. But, as Brian Johnson said in a recent post on his site, Entheos, instead of telling yourself "this is impossible," why not re-frame that into an affirmation like: "I know this will be hard, but I think I can do it"?

If we can do that, no matter what our goals, we may find ourselves in the kitchen doing a hip-spraining dance of joy.